I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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