babies were throwing up all over the place
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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