as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
