This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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