And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
