I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
