Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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