is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
