My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
