My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
nutella sex= disaster
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
