i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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