Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
