Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
