oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
