When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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