saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize