I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
