They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
