Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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