my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Randomize
