just tell him i said nine months
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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