I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
