you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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