bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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