hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
