NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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