those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
