now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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