Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
