She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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