someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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