let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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