He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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