You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Randomize
