You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
