Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
