i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm experimenting with sincerity
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
