this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
