we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
