Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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