I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
