I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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