but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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