Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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