I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
