how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think my moral compass just broke
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
