they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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