Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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