i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
