Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
