so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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