If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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