you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
