Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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