Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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