I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
