Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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