There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize