They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it was like eating out sand paper
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Congratulations! We have a period
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