i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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