So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
