Got a toothbrush?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
