he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Let's get the cat blown out
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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