goodnight i made you a song goodbye
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
