also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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