When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
