i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
