Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
