I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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