saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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