But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
