I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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