When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
