are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
