Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
