real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
