No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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