Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
