My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
