Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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