Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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