there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
