dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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