dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
