I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
