don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
